Rebuilding Trust After a Break
- Tim Jackson, LMFT
- Apr 19
- 3 min read
Updated: May 6
What Breaks Trust in the First Place?
Sometimes it's a dramatic breach—like dishonesty or betrayal. Other times, it's more subtle: being unavailable, dismissing someone’s needs, or simply not showing up as someone hoped you would.
Often, the real rupture lies not in the event itself but in the emotional aftermath:
“I don’t know if I can count on you.”
“I feel like I was left alone in something that mattered.”
“You didn’t see how much that hurt.”
When those feelings aren't acknowledged or repaired, distance and mistrust grow.
Understanding the Emotional Impact
It's essential to recognize that trust issues often stem from unmet emotional needs. Couples may experience feelings of abandonment, fear, or resentment. Understanding the root causes can be the first step toward healing.
Rebuilding Trust Starts with Slowing Down
Whether you’re the one who caused harm or the one who was hurt, the first step is slowing down and being honest—first with yourself, then with the other person.
If you caused the harm:
Take full ownership without minimizing or defending.
Stay curious about the impact your actions had.
Prioritize consistent behavior over quick apologies.
If you were hurt:
Let yourself feel the grief, anger, or confusion without rushing to “move on.”
Ask clearly for what you need to feel safe again.
Notice whether you’re ready to engage in repair—or if you still need space.
This is hard, vulnerable work. It requires both people to participate—genuinely, patiently, and with a willingness to tolerate discomfort.
What Rebuilding Actually Looks Like
Trust doesn’t return all at once. It rebuilds in small moments that are often unglamorous and uncelebrated. Here’s what is often helpful:
1. Accountability
True accountability isn’t just about saying sorry; it’s about showing understanding, taking ownership, and accepting the impact of your actions without trying to rewrite the story.
2. Transparency
Trust grows in clarity. That means being honest, consistent, and dependable. It might include clearer communication, fewer surprises, and a willingness to be open about things you might have previously avoided.
3. Boundaries
Strong relationships don’t require blurred lines. In fact, boundaries support trust. Clarifying what feels okay and what doesn’t can restore a sense of safety and mutual respect.
4. Repair Attempts
Research from Drs. John and Julie Gottman shows that repair—not perfection—is what holds relationships together. Repair sounds like:
“That didn’t land how I meant it to. Can I try again?”
“I see why that hurt you.”
“I’m still here, and I want to work through this.”
5. Patience
There’s no shortcut here. Trust needs repetition, space to breathe, and grace—for both yourself and the other person.
The Courage to Rebuild
Rebuilding trust requires courage. It asks you to stay present through tough conversations, tolerate awkwardness, and admit when you’ve fallen short. Choosing repair over retreat is vital.
When it’s done with care, something new takes shape. Not a return to how things were, but a new version of the relationship—one shaped by deeper honesty, mutual effort, and resilience.
A Few Reflection Questions:
Where has trust been tested in my relationships?
What helps me feel safe again after a rupture?
How do I know when I’m ready to rebuild?
Am I showing up in ways that invite trust?
What’s one action I can take today to support reconnection?
Let's Connect:
If you’re navigating a rupture in a relationship—or if you’re looking for trust issues repair after harm—therapy can help you slow down, make sense of what happened, and create space for healing. Whether you’re doing that work individually or with someone else, you don’t have to do it alone.
Tim Jackson, LMFT is a licensed therapist in the State of Tennessee and Commonwealth of Virginia. Tim provides individual, relationship, and group counseling in his East Nashville counseling office and online for clients in Tennessee & Virginia.
